Dear Sam Raimi, You once said it was a crime to make a boring movie. Well, you’ve managed it.
Here’s what you should’ve done to avoid the mess that it is now…
Act 1
Start with Peter and Mary Jane being married already. Make Venom take over Peter Parker in the first 10 minutes, but keep Peter Parker’s costume red. Make Spiderman turn into a proper bad guy - bank robbing, kidnapping and extorting for money. The city turns against him and Mary Jane becomes alienated from Peter. Then make Harry the good guy - who tries to stop Spiderman. Don’t give Harry a concussion. Then bring in the Sandman and make him partner up with bad Spiderman. Don’t make Sandman a good guy. Both of them wreak havoc on the city and Harry becomes a new hero. Mary Jane leaves Peter Parker to start a new relationship with Harry. But Harry has a schizophrenic episode and beats up Mary Jane. Make Mary Jane lose her job.
Act 2
Make Spiderman find out what happened to Mary Jane and in a violent fit attack Harry, mutilating him. When he realises that he has destroyed his marriage, the city and almost killed his friend, make him repent and his body rejects Venom, who latches onto Eddie and become black Spiderman. Make Venom find Sandman and continue their wrecking spree. Make good Spiderman try to stop them but since the city has turned against him he fails. Make Harry and Mary Jane forgive Spiderman. Then in the finale make Harry partner up with Spiderman. Make Venom kill Harry and Spiderman kill Sandman and Venom.
Dirty “I should have been a Hollywood director” Dog.
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